Hyperawareness & Self-Diagnosis
# Self Diagnosis
I find that the notion of self-awareness and self-diagnosis often get intertwined fairly easily. The lines between developing self-awareness and labelling ourselves seems to be very fine.
It seems to be fairly difficult to come off as self-aware/concious individual until we can find a way to describe our very invidualistic actions, habits and tendencies that fits one of the pre-defined boxes of possibilities, and often this behaviour is automatic.
“hmm I recognize that x, y and z are flaws in thought & emotional process as it relates to y. hmmm these are common thought patterns that exist in clincally T kind of people”
T = [“narcissitc”, “bipolar”, “etc”]
This sort of diagnosis acts a barrier for self-enhancement and improvement in a few ways:
- Re-shifts focus from the current problem (x,y,z flaws) to testing the validity of this diagnosis
- Develops internal parnoia. You look and disect everyday actions to look for thought patterns, faults and flaws matching the clinically described patterns for and invididual experiencing T
- The paranoia and hyperawareness with your actions make you recognize more flaws and faults in your thought process about almost everything/everyday circumstances making you miserable
So in a way its almost a recursive/negative-feedback loop that feeds into itself. When an invidual become “hyperware” of their thoughts and feelings, that thoughts and feelings get louder, and generally the focus is on flaws and short-comings.
Going back to my earlier point about how, “It seems to be fairly difficult to come off as self-aware/concious individual until we can find a way to describe our very invidualistic actions, habits and tendencies that fits one of the pre-defined boxes of possibilities,” I say that because that is the only way we can get close to communicating how we truly feel.
Often times the feeling of not wanting to fit into one of these pre-defined boxes gets confused with the feelings of denial and running from the “truth.”
Now, on the flip side, one can argue that these pre-defined confines are not necessary labels but rather a form of personality-attributes that any given invidiual can possess, and what truly matters is their origin, development/root casue which often isn’t generalized and is highly invidualized.
The question that bites away at me often is that, should an invidual themselves seek out and understand these root causes on a deeper level? The answer at first seems obvious given an example of, lets say alcoholism. If ones alcoholism is a byproduct/coping mechanism for ones unhappiness with x,y,z, then it makes sense for the invidual to go looking for that x,y,z causes and fixing them, right?
But what about the hyperaware/hyperfocuses lens one might adapt throughout the process of dissecting his life and behaviour in the search for answers to his behaviours an tendecies. What if the answer is not as simple as x,y,z, but rather a complicated equation. Would it make sense to go through your life with a fine, introspective comb given that you are already in a voltatile state? If not, when does it make sense to? How would you know when that time approaches?
Reminds of an excerpt I read recently:
See, there’s another subtle little trap with emotions. And that’s the fact that analyzing one emotion will generate another. So you can end up in this endless loop of self-inquiry, which, after a while, will turn you into a really self-obsessed person.
In The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, I compared self-awareness to peeling an onion, that whatever you’re thinking/feeling, there’s always another layer underneath, and the deeper you go, the more layers you peel back, the more likely you are to spontaneously burst into tears